Sleeplessness most of my life

I’ve dealt with weird sleep most of my life. It started somewhere in middle school. Where I couldn’t fall asleep. My mind always racing, didn’t seem to slow down. If I tried to read it’d speed up if I really liked it, which was most of the time. I tried to just lie there without thinking anything. The problem was I had to consciously think about not thinking, which defeated the purpose of not thinking. What would work was watching television, which would turn my mind off for only a little bit of time, before the show or movie ended and I’d watch another and then another and then another until it was five in the morning. I didn’t sleep at all, but my mind was turned off. Then I’d go to school exhausted.

I saw a doctor about it once in high school. I was prescribed a sleeping inhibitor, which gave me some pretty wild dreams. After the prescription ran out I decided not to continue. It worked. It helped me rest. I felt better the next morning. Why did I stop? I was prideful. I thought I could ride it out.

Now, I’m an adult and I sleep whenever I feel tired, which is inconvenient. I plan on doing something in the evening, I’m out of it. I just sleep. I feel out of sorts with everyone else. I always seem to look like I’ve just woken up. It’s not a fashion choice.

I recently saw my sister and I told her I’m not sleeping well, which is often. She told me to see a doctor saying, “You’ve been dealing with this for years and you complain about it a lot. You should see someone.”

Maybe it’s about time I do that.

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